Magoo's Memoirs

2009-11-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to say I just finished getting the file for my painting "Beautiful" ready for reproduction. Prints on canvas, prints on paper, etc. I am so excited. Anyway, just wanted to shout it out. So all of you who asked this summer about purchasing one, they are now available! Yippie. Good Times.

No More!

2009-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

Romans 5: 1-6.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

When does this verse apply? When we are going through trials, right? Is it that every trial we endure is a method of developing our character? Is it that God's got this ultimate plan for us to learn to persevere, so He is on a mission to drag us through the ringer? Could we possibly be forgetting about the "hope" part of this verse. Is our character and perseverance more significant in our trials than our hope in Him?

Never! He is how we survive because He is hope. Sometimes life keeps dealing out trials, right? And sometimes we might think to ourselves, "I sure am sick of developing my perseverance and character. I just don't think I can persevere anymore." Maybe people have encouraged you with saying, "Press on, God is refining your character. Persevere! These words are necessarily wrong, but have you ever been the one going through the trial, wishing for just one day with good news? Deep inside you probably don't know if you can muster anymore strength to "push on".

So, maybe we should stop pushing. Maybe we should let go, and hope. Is the character we want inside of us, or do we want to be like Him? Do we want to rely on human strength to persevere, or His? Maybe the best thing we can do is let go and hope.

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." Life disappoints. Sickness disappoints. People disappoint. This world will always disappoint us, but He never will. If we are ever disappointed with God, I am convinced our perspective is distorted because His Word is true, and it says He does not disappoint! He can't because it's not within His character.

If we become disappointed with God because of the trials in our lives, we need to refocus and pray, "God this life is full of frustration and I am weary. I know You bring hope. I know You do not disappoint, so please save me. Give me hope. I need Your power to live through this because I'm at the end of mine. I am depleted. I need You or I cannot make it." When we stop trying, His love takes over. He's given us the Holy Spirit who is the perfect gift for our weakness. When we have nothing left and don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit prays for us with words and utterances we cannot understand. When life conquered us, remember Christ died and lives. Somewhere in the darkness of life, He offers life, but we have to find it in Him and nothing else.

Was this verse was written solely to encourage us to become "better people" through trials? I don't think so. Perhaps it is an admonition that only He has the hope and strength we need to get through a trial. As a result, we realize He is the foundation of character and perseverance in our life, not our efforts and sacrifice.

Conversations of the Week

2009-11-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

We were in the car, when Joseph said, "When are we going to ride a jet"

Me: "I don't know honey"
Joseph: "When are we going into outer space?"
Me: "Probably never."
Joseph: "Why?"
Me: "Because we're not astronauts."
Joseph: "Yes we are!"
Me: "What? We're not astronauts."
Joseph: "Yes we are, we're Christians"

Again, we were in the car when Joseph said, "I think all the birds have gone somewhere."
Me: "Yep, did you know that when it gets cold, birds fly somewhere that it's warm for the winter?"
Joseph: "Yeah, cause I just saw some flying, and then they flew to cold, and hurried and flew where it was even colder, and switched to somewhere it was warm."

Brilliant!

Give Up?

2009-11-04T08:09:00.000-08:00

Giving up is so important. Not in the sense that we are no longer motivated, but in the sense that we are striving to make something happen. We haven't really given something to the Lord if we are still trying to make it work. Giving something up means that we pray and walk away. We wait on Him instead of trying to figure out how to "make it happen". Only when we've really "given up" does he have true permission to take over, to receive the glory for answering our prayers, for ruling and running our lives.

Until we let go of the reigns, FOR REAL, we are not really trusting. It's like we're letting Him drive, but we still set the GPS to make sure He makes all the right turns. When He takes a turn we don't understand, we recalculate. AMEN?

How much do we really trust if we secretly distrust God's intentions? In Psalm 27, David confesses his only safe place is in the shelter of God's tabernacle. What does this mean? I think it means that when things aren't going the way he hoped, he imagines himself in the presence of God, in the tabernacle where there is safety. In the Lord's presence, He feels safe, high on a rock, where no one can touch him. The Lord is his refuge, a place of hiding.

Can he stay in hiding forever? No, so he asks for God to deliver him from his enemies and not to forsake him. Is David confident his enemies will not get to him? Is he sure the LORD will answer his prayers the way he wants? No. But, whether his enemies come after him or not, he knows he will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!!! He will still trust God's decision and look forward to the day he will be in a safe place with the LORD forever, with no enemies to hide from.

David says, so Wait! Wait, be strong, take heart, stand and wait. He urges us not to walk away from the only one who will never forsake us (vs.10). Be strong and wait. Keep running with Him because He is the only one who can keep you from weariness (Isaiah 40:28-31).

I confess I have not suffered and feared in my life as David. In fact I have probably not suffered as much as many of you, but I am confident this is a sure principle in the Word of God. I am challenged. How 'bout you?

Misinterpretation

2009-09-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

(Picture from our 12 miles bike ride in Anchorage, AK)

So, tonight I sat with the boys on the couch to read our nightly Bible story. It was about the resurrection. Jacob said he couldn't wait to read and they were really paying attention. The story went as follows, the ladies went to the tomb and no body was there but there was a cloth still in the tomb so he hadn't been stolen. Then they see two angels, and next Mary thought Jesus was the gardener.

Then comes "THE MOMENT". Joseph asked his question. "What's that on Jesus' hand?'

Jacob was pleased to take this opportunity to teach Joseph. He went into a sincere and detailed explanation about how they were blood marks from when the nails were put on his hands from the crucifixion.

Joseph responded by saying, "Oh, I thought someone drew a CRAYON on his hand." I also then explained more about the crucifixion and Joseph got a weirdly somber look on his face (not his normal jovial self). I thought he might really be having some deep feelings about Jesus' having his hands nailed to a cross, so I asked him what was wrong.

He said sadly, "I just wanted to be right." I asked, "What about the crayon?" And he said, "Yeah, I just wanted to be right."

Ha. So while I was thinking God is moving in his heart, he's actually deeply disappointed that Jesus didn't have a crayon on his hand. Silly Me!!

My Soul

2009-09-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

I just started a bible study with some women in our church. We are discussing how a lifestyle of worship is one way we can develop greater intimacy with the Father. This weeks’ lesson prompted me to theologically reflect. Our study pointed out that many people’s view of worship is narrow because they limit it to singing once a week during Sunday morning fellowship. This is true, but I also believe it comes up shorthanded when we become too comfortable with “our style” of worship, be it song, meditation, prayer, poetry, writing, etc. There are so many different ways to praise the Savior, but it’s easy to get stuck in a rut, Amen. If God wants us to worship in another way, it’s easy to become apprehensive or scared we may not “do it well”, or we may not “get it right”

I get stuck in a rut, but the question remains, “Will I allow myself to be handicapped in worshiping my King because I've let something else define the method by which I’m allowed to praise Him?” Much of our society has limited worship to a few three-minute songs in a church building, or perhaps on a radio, iPod, or stereo. However, I feel a call to be more open to worship in ways I have not "practiced" on a regular basis. Why? Because when I’m uncomfortable, it's not about how well I DO IT, but about how worthy He is. If we allow Him to stretch us, I believe we’ll become more aware of His creative character, thereby causing us to recognize His presence more completely in life.

Have you ever worshiped alone, without the guidance of a choir or praise team? Maybe He wants to capture your attention when you’re all alone. Has our Bible study become a duty, a way to figure out who God is, or an act of worship? Could worship be noticing someone He created in His image in a coffee shop and praying for them? Maybe worship could entail sitting outside on a cool evening admiring the stars and listening to the animals. Perhaps instead of moping when we feel down, we decide to imagine Him holding us in a loving embrace, just as many of us do with our children. Maybe we even end up crying with Him.

I think worship happens when we shift our attention from ourselves to Him. It's amazing how we become edified when we focus on Him instead of ourselves. He created us to need Him. We are filled when He is worshiped. Some have contrived that our God must be an egomaniac to be jealous of our worship. However, what they don't know is that we are hard-wired for find completion in His perfection.

Consider these Psalms.

Psalm 62: 1 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.

5. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Psalm 63:1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

⁸ My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

As I read these verses this week, I was impacted by the Lord’s effect on our souls. I love the phrasing of verse 8, "My soul clings to you." The older I get, the more I see the pain a sinful world brings to the people around me. The sting of death and the raw nature of evil will weigh down my soul if I am not careful. It is easy to become disappointed and disillusioned, wanting to lock all the doors to my home and not let anyone I love out until it’s all over. This is why my soul has to cling to Him and is also why His right hand of strength has to hold me up. This is why my rest is only found in Him. I cannot live a life of light if my soul is not leaning on Him, worshiping Him in the everyday. He alone is the source of water in this dry and weary land. May we learn to worship you in new ways causing our habits and minds to become dependent on your strength and not our own. Only then can we live like Christ in this crooked and depraved world.

The Day Spa at Nantahala Village

2009-09-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

For Labor Day, we traveled to see my family at the Nantahala Village. It was Jacob's birthday. We had been saving and were able to get the boys a Wii. However, I think we had as much fun as they did with the game. You should have seen children, parents and grandparents yelling at the Mario cars as they kept driving to the right. Then, finally Jacob figured out we all had the remotes turned the wrong way. So, we were humbled.

We had a great time hanging out with the Fam, plus Clayton and I received a little pampering at The Day Spa. I was so excited to see the place. It is located on the back side of the resort in a quaint house with a wrap around porch. Chase did a good job picking out relaxing wall colors and it even had that soothing spa smell. Clayton and I got a couples massage and I was really impressed because the pressure was perfect and she hit all the right places. I've had continual back problems since 17 because I was run over by a Suburban in my high school parking lot. consequently, I've gotten about 10 massages in my life at some well known places, but I have to tell you that the massages at their spa were perfect because they really listened to my trouble spots.

I also got a facial, and back facial, if that's what you call it. Elisabeth did a great job and I can tell my skin really needed it. How great is it that I can visit my family and they have a spa right in their back yard. So thanks guys. I feel really lucky to have gotten to enjoy the luxuries of the resort with you. I can't wait to bring some friends next time. Mom I know you've gotten a facial, but you have to stop and get a massage. Take a break and you won't regret it! I'd love to see you relax a little. Love you.

Take Me Away

2009-08-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday turned out to be one of those days where I had a few short errands to run, but with two kids, time kept multiplying and their attitudes kept waning throughout the afternoon. The worst of it is that I have been kinda sick for a few days. I haven't been able to determine whether it is allergies or some sort of infection, but yesterday afternoon I decided a doctor visit was in order today.

I was feeling OK starting our errands, but my trepidation increased as the kids found it impossible not to beg for anything and everything. I was experiencing a wonderful mom moment when my vocabulary was diminished to only include the word NO. I reviewed the "rules" in the car each time we entered a store; We were not going to buy anything extra. The list included, two things for myself, a light for their turtle (which I had been meaning to get for weeks), and dinner at Chik'fil'A. They tried hard, but there was always something that caught their little eyes. I tried to have compassion on my victims of advertising and store glamour. My preference is to do errands without them, but I didn't think these few things would turn out to be so toilsome.

I returned home at about 6:45 with the turtle light, my stuff, and only one extra item, some ancient dinosaur eggs. I gave in, and now I'm hoping these little things are going to be more successful growing in our handy fishbowl than our Beta fish that died this summer.

Entering the house, our understanding was that we would set up the turtle light, and then complete Jacob's homework for his first day of school. However, the remote control cars, and Josephs birthday balloons became much more interesting. I've come to the conclusion that God must have forgotten to install attention span and listening skills into the DNA of my children.

Soon I was able to get Jacob to do his homework with me. He was perfectly obedient until Joseph, who had no homework, started pestering him. I got some stuff out for Joseph to do, but he was became more consumed with digging through every drawer and container in my office, spreading things all over the floor and punching holes with his new-found hole punch.

Homework completed, we headed downstairs for pajamas and teeth brushing. Before we could complete this task, I entered the bathroom where they had each other in headlocks. I find out Joseph was apparently trying to lick Jacob, who, go figure, did not want to be licked. I closed the door to the bathroom and started whispering to them. I told them that it hurt my feelings they are so mean to each other. I reminded them that we are a family which is supposed to love each other. I asked if they loved each other. Joseph hugged me and told me he was sorry he hurt my feelings. I hugged him, and then asked if they could hug, love and forgive. They did, and bedtime came soon after.

Why did I whisper when I was talking to them in the bathroom? Well, actually it was because I am sick today. Currently I am waiting to see the doctor because my throat is killing me and I am horse. Thinking it may be strep, but hoping it is something not so contagious. However, last night I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my hoarse condition would actually prompt them to listen better. I was able to see the wisdom of Proverbs display itself in real life; a soft answer turned away wrath right in front of me. I think I may discipline more often in whispers. So, one good thing has come out of a loss of voice, and a sore throat that kept me up all night.

Sometimes you just want to say, "Calgone take me away", like the commercial, although I have no idea what Calgone is, I just want to be taken away for a few minutes.

One of the Best Days Ever!!!

2009-08-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

O.K, so I think yesterday has become one of my favorite days of all time. Besides the day I met my Savior, the day I met my husband, my wedding, my children's births, memories from India, the Himalayas, and Romania and Poland, yesterday has become one of my lifetime favorites. I mean, how many people have 4-wheeled over Alaskan terrain, through valley glacier runoffs, in an out of streams surrounded by evergreen foliage, while the entire time surrounded by towering mountain peaks on either side. I'm sure a lot of people have, but yesterday I felt like our family had joined some elite wilderness expedition, in a place few others have been.

Three guys, who have all done this before, took us to Knik River river basin and glacier. I felt like I was in a dream and traveling though many different places: back in the Himalayas (with the addition of green foliage), in a movie with Timothy Treadwell, that crazy guy who lived and died with bears, in a John Krakauer's Into the Wild, and finally in the movie with King Arthur and his men when they were standing on a glacier and it cracked in two giving them a way to escape. My imagination was working overtime.

Here is our list of "adventure moments. Well, I have never really 4-wheeled through water the height of the machines' handle bars, so please give me a little grace. I was afraid when crossing the water that I wouldn't find the exact right location, so I followed Reuben, our guide closely. When he conked out, I had nowhere to go and ended up having to let off my gas as well because I didn't think to try to push him along. So, Joseph and I floated at a standstill until we were then we had to turn the machine up and drain the water and such. For all of you who also haven't driven through water, watch while they cross, and then never let off the gas. I learned the hard way.

Please do not let Nanny know this happened, but I definitely had an "incident". Not only did I suffer constant banging because of Joseph and my helmet banging constantly, but I also toppled off my machine in a mud bank. This accident involved sticky mud, a sharp turn, and a tree. However, there were many of those throughout the day. What made this moment different? Well, the throttle accelerated unexpectedly right as I was taking a sharp turn because water was in the line, so I banged right into a tree. This caused the machine to roll sideways. I jumped off and rolled with my legs above my body in case the machine were to fall on me. I'm sure those behind me thought I was crushed, but having been run over a vehicle already in my life, I scrambled fast predicting impact. Thank the Lord I am fine and uninjured, but glad Joseph wasn't riding with me!

Joseph fell asleep (I really have no idea how) riding with Reuben, so he didn't get to go all the way to the glacier, but the rest of the family got to see two bald eagles as we neared the glacier. We stood right beside, licked and held glacier ice. We were all truly amazed and Jacob was speechless if you can believe it. This world and this life is not an accident. We are all His creation. Praise you Lord for your beautiful creation!!!!! Also thank you so much Ron and Crystal, Shaun, Reuben, and Jason (and your families) for giving us you time and resources to be able to have such a great time. We are so appreciative and I hope that even when I am old I can retain the memories I made today. Thanks to you all!!!!!!

If you'd like to know more about this area, here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knik_River,_Alaska

Making the Most

2009-08-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

We went to visit my grandmother in Atlanta a couple of weekends ago. I lived with her for a few years when I was little, and it's kinda strange how visiting her home feels to me like coming home. I become aware of how awkwardly at home I am when Nanny tells me where to find something and I've already got it in hand. But, you know it's always nicer to feel at home than like a guest.

One evening, we ate at a Mexican restaurant with Nanny, Mom, Aunt Cherry and Uncle Steve. While waiting to be billed, my uncle decided to help entertain the boys. He's so good with kids, and had tucked them into bed the night before with a song and story. At the restaurant, he taught Jacob a little joke/trick. He held up his thumb to Jacob and said, "Look at my thumb". After Jacob looked he said, "Gee you're dumb." It was funny, but my kids don't forget things like this and I knew he and Joseph would soon be calling everyone they met dumb. So, I started to rack my brain for a different version of the joke which Jacob might accept.

When we got back to Nanny's, I explained to the kids that it might not be wise to walk around calling people dumb. I suggested we come up with a different word that rhymes with dumb. But, as mom and I tried, we realized there weren't many, and unfortunately Jacob wouldn't accept anything close. It had to rhyme perfectly. I was starting to get frustrated because we'd endured a few minutes of unsuccessful word suggestions, when Joseph (who really didn't get the joke anyway) started walking around plugging in random words.

He would walk up to Nanny, Mom, or I and say, "Hey look at my thumb, Gee you're a house, a shirt, a sink, an egg, a bird, a table, a chair....etc," At first Jacob instructed him that his words didn't work with the riddle, but after we couldn't help but laugh at Joseph's ridiculous and entertaining suggestions, Jacob joined the fun. I played along, making the most of Joseph's distraction. I was hopeful that Jacob would find this just as fun as calling someone dumb.

This morning we woke up in Alaska and the boys started saying, "Hey look at my thumb, gee you're a taxi, bed, pillow, etc..", and we all started laughing at the ludicrous accusations. I think they may have grasped the idea that we can still have fun with being silly and not always insulting. Thanks Joseph!

I'm thankful my kids were able to change a joke so that the humor was based on the ridiculous instead of depreciating someone else's character. However, I have to give credit to my 4 year old (yesterday was his birthday) for his funny and original humor, and to my 6 year old's compromise that the word plum might work too. I love you boys, you make my life less dull.

Distract, Dodge, Duck

2009-07-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

Our driveway is teeming with wildlife. I was coming home the other day and I saw one of the many new additions to our King wildlife refuge, a baby deer. I also have to stop or slow my vehicle multiple times along our driveway so that I don't hit a family with 5 baby turkeys, and numerous frantic bunnies.

The deer I saw was very young, not even as big as our black lab. When it heard the car, it went into hysterics, sporadically hopping in multiple directions. I had no idea which way it was going to choose. Left, right, forward, to the side? I just stopped and watched, laughing at first, then looked around fearful the mother might ram my car in effort to run down her fawn. If the deer had just stayed on the side of the drive in the grass, there would have been no danger, but the scary sound and vehicle sent it into an irrational frenzy.

The rabbits also act in this wild and frantic manner. For some reason they think it would be safer jumping across the road instead of staying in the protective tall grass. Go figure, where's the logic in that? They have none. They are just like the illogical squirrel in the road that can't choose which way to run. Back and forth, back and forth, over and over. Meanwhile, as a driver, you're just hoping it will choose one direction so you can avoid road kill.

Logic goes out the window and fear rules these animal's unpredictable behavior. It reminds me of the effect of sin in our lives. We sin, become ashamed, and when God tries to shine headlights on it in an effort to liberate us, we are afraid of judgement. We run this way and that, trying to hide from the light and hoping maybe we can make up for it, or fix it before anyone notices. David killing Uriah comes to mind. How logical was is for Adam and Eve to try to hide from God, and leaf coverage doesn't work for a God who sees all, right? How about Aaron's lame attempt to shift the blame of the creation of a golden cow on the Israelites, etc. You get the picture I hope.

We all do it. Distract, dodge, duck, and maybe I can escape. But there is no escape. God sees all. But His intentions are not to cause fear and anxiety. Rather, He shines the light on our sin to make us aware, to reveal where we need healing. He is not out to condemn, but rather to receive confession and give forgiveness, restoration. I wish I were more able to stand in His light unashamedly. Instead of fearing His revelation of my heart, could I seek to be still and see what He sees, accepting His grace in the process? His light is painful, but good. His refinement burns, but also cleanses.

Lord, instead of trying to distract You, dodge You, and duck away from You, help me to stand still unashamedly, knowing and trusting your Light- Your Presence in my life. Help, I am a simple deer afraid to be ashamed. I need Your bountiful grace in my life! You are my ever present help in time of trouble. Thank you Father.

Kid Quotes

2009-06-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I could just make my kids stay young. They say some of the most incredible things, and sometimes the most embarrassing too!

Jacob:
I got some cowboy boots for our 10 year anniversary. I wore them the other day to a shower with some shorts and a brown sleeveless shirt. Jacob came into the bathroom said this, "Wow, Mama, you look cool in that. I like those boots with that, I mean it looks cool. It might look cooler with something else, but that's pretty cool I guess."

Joseph:
"Mama, am I going to be taller than you one day?" "Yes I think you will, probably as tall as Uncle Chase", I said. He replied, "Maybe one day I'll be taller than the whole world. I might be the tallest man ever." Trying to be encouraging, I said, "Well maybe one day." (I think he gets tired of being so much smaller than Jacob- sad times)

Jacob:
The kids come in every morning and cuddle with Clayton and I. The other morning, Clayton had already woken up and was downstairs reading, and Joseph was still asleep. Jacob put his head on Clayton's pillow next to me and I told him goodmorning. He looked at me and said, "Good morning Mama. Your breath smells like the chiropractors office, but worse." I didn't really know what to say, I just said, "Well thank you."

Joseph:
We had to go to the bathroom together in a restaurant. I went first, bending over and pulling my shirt down to cover myself, when Joseph asked, "Do you have to poop or pee." "Pee", I said. He said, "Well then you don't have to sit down Mama, just stand up like me. That's what you do when you pee. You only sit to poop." I said, "Well that doesn't work for me. Besides my legs hurt." Awesome!!!!

I Ran to Florida

2009-06-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

I am trying to run about 3 miles, 5K whenever I work out. I decided to run yesterday in the AL heat. Jacob asked me how far I had run and I said, "all the way to Florida and back." He was amazed and gawked at how far I had run. The truth is, I did run to Florida, but what you don't know is we are right on the line. Florida is actually only about 1.5 miles away, so I really only ran about 3 or so miles. Ha!

While running I had my iPod buds in. It wasn't playing too loud, so I could hear cars, but I wouldn't have been able to hear someone following me. I'm not easily spooked, but I decided that even though my music motivates me to run, an unexpected attack wasn't worth the exercise. I had a choice, listen to wisdom or explain it away. It's not going to hurt me to do without music for a few minutes, but if I push the warning out of my mind, I may face some serious consequences.

The Lord spoke to me in this moment about my spiritual and emotional health. How often do I ignore his voice when I am busy. Whether it be the duties of being a mother, wife, friend, or even my own needs or hobbies, life gets CRAZY- right. But IN the crazy, I need to be aware, in tune, listening, and concentrating on what He is saying to me. He is Wisdom, He is Life, He is my Protector. I have a choice, listen to wisdom or explain it away. It's not going to hurt me to do without my duties for a few minutes, but if I push His warning out of my mind, I may face worse circumstances in my life, emotionally or spiritually. Lord I will listen, help me listen to You.

Who's Life- A Better One!

2009-06-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

We went to the beach today and I had fun sitting on the shore with Joseph, and then sported some child-sized goggles and searched for a baby sand shark Jacob said was swimming near to us. After lunch and a nap, we went back out refreshed and I built a village and dug trenches with the boys. After awhile, Joseph left with Clayton for the pool, but Jacob wanted to stay because he had become obsessed with the trench.

It soon became a moat where if the people of the village got too close and fell in they would die. Then, it became a lake, where a scary monster lived (which was now why the people died). Eventually, Jacob got upset because when he put water in the lake, it would be soaked up by the sand, so then we had to build the trench out to the ocean so the water could come in. (This story does have a point.) I told him to sit in the lake because it would be fun to feel the water come in, but he told me that the monster would come out of the moat and get him. I told him he was bigger than the monster, but he said, "No the monster will come out and go all the way to the sky."

I sat staring at the ocean thinking about the conversation Jacob and I were having. So much fun and emotion. I thought about all my years at the beach and realized that this was the first time I actually didn't care about the sand all over my body, the sand in my bathing suit, the sand in my hair, etc.. Usually, my challenge at the beach is to stay as sand free as possible until I can get to a pool. In the past, I used to enjoy laying on the beach, soaking up the sun. Sometimes reading books, and other talking with people. The past few years, chasing babies so they didn't drown, or trying to make sure they didn't get too much sun. But, this year, we get to play!!!!

I never liked to play, I liked to relax. But this is not my life, and thank you lord because I am now learning to love life- to love the beach in a new and different way. Thank you Lord for my children who want me to play with them, because otherwise I'd just be feeding my own desires for sun, trying to avoid the sand and surf.

Who's Life? Not Mine!

2009-06-02T17:51:00.001-07:00

We just left for vacation/a speaking event for Clayton in Orange Beach, Alabama. It has been an interesting start, and we are extremely glad to be here, but It's amazing how stressful vacation can be.

We started packing Thursday, and the boys were so excited that they forgot they could be self-controlled. Obedience was an absolute challenge, a work of God. I had been looking forward to their bedtime all day so I could stop controlling my frustration, when the inevitable happened. I asked him to sit down for the fourth time, and Joseph responded by doing a cooky dance backward into the corner of our wall. I honestly couldn't muster up much compassion for his injury because he got hurt being disobedient, but when we saw blood on the back of his head, the mommy guilt kicked in. We investigated the injury and found a deep narrow gash on the center back area of his head. Yes, Clayton had to make an ER trip at 8:00PM the night before we needed to leave at 6:45AM for our trip.

Clayton and I looked at each other with that exasperated look which said, "Yep, just the way things seem to go with us." (Jacob had a similar incident when he busted his forehead Friday at 6:30PM the weekend before Christmas.) Our boys just don't quite know how to contain their excitement. It drools out of every gland, limb, and organ in their body.

The next morning we woke up, Joseph sporting staples in the back of his head, ready for a plane ride. After repeated requests to please keep their voices down on the plane, mandates to hold our hands in dangerous streets, and petitions be patient, stop touching each other, stop fighting and argueing, we finally found ourselves playing in the waves and sand. Expectations, excitement, and change has such an interesting effect on children, as least on our children.

God has used ten years of marriage and two kids to teach me- even more- that my life is not my own. Things don't always go as I would have wanted or maybe even dreamed in my head, but does that give me the right to forget that my body is a temple of God? I have a mandate to live out the character of Christ both when I feel like it, and when I don't. When my boys won't leave me alone for a bathroom "rest", when I would rather be bitter than forgive, when I'd rather give up than be patient, or when I feel incompotent to figure out my children's new stage of life.

Life is not cut and paste. It is not easy and it is constantly presenting new challenges. I need God to help me change with it, to rely on Him to help me. My life is not mine anyway- I was bought with a price. I know God is capable of managing His investment- right?

You're Beautiful, Believe it or Not

2009-06-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

I took the picture to the right in a church in Israel. It was a gift from America to a church in Israel, but I can't remember who did it- so sorry. But it is absolutely gorgeous, right?!!!!

So many woman struggle with feeling beautiful. We want to be noticed, to be to be cherished, and to be wanted by our husbands more than any other woman. I know these feelings because I have them too. Why? I believe the healthy part of wanting to be beautiful was planted in our souls by our Creator. However, the obsessive and insecure desire for beauty is a part of our sinful nature combined with the unhealthy propaganda our world feeds us on a daily basis. Women today are inundated with products to increase eye-appeal, pills to make you skinny, workouts that shape you in six months, six weeks, or maybe even six days if you’re dedicated enough. Commercial after commercial, and show after show present images of women with the perfect body, hair, makeup, complexion, etc… Sadly enough many of these are computer generated, but after years of seeing women who seem to be the epitome of splendor, how can a woman ever get ahead (especially after you’re past age 25, and have a couple of kids in the house)? What’s the answer?

I don’t know the answer to acquiring for yourself the ultimate dream body. Many women go major lengths to accomplish this, and I’m sure some satisfaction comes out of it. However, I believe in order to find true satisfaction, somehow and someway we have to choose to accept that our Lord and our mates see us as beautiful. For years, my husband has tried to compliment me by telling me I am beautiful, and for years I have shrugged it off. I may not have done this in the early days when we first met and I was young, fit and trim, but after two kids, less work out opportunities, and lacking a summer glow, my perspective on my appearance seemed to weaken. But, what may I ask did shrugging off his compliments do for him, or me? By disregarding his opinion, I robbed myself of affection, while also making him believe I did not value his compliments toward me.

So, let’s suppose I were to change my attitude and choose to believe that my husband still sees me as the beautiful queen of his life (whether I feel like it or not). What does that do for us in the long run. Let me share how this has changed me. It caused me to believe he was attracted to me. It made me feel sought after, and cherished. It also made me feel like he wanted me in the biblical sense of the word, which is how it ought to be. As a result, our marriage has flourished. He feels satisfied that I believe his compliments, and I felt loved by the man who has chosen to spend his life with me. I have come to know that I am special to the one I live with daily. I choose to confide in his opinion of me rather than what the world is telling me, and as a result I also come to a better understanding of our Heavenly Father.

Psalm 45:11 says, “The King is enthralled with your beauty; honor him for he is your lord.” The king is enthralled with my beauty, me, no he couldn’t be, I might say to myself. There are so many other things that He should be enthralled with. But, it’s right there, scripture says it, and it is true. So, will we choose to believe it? Because if He is enthralled with our beauty, and this should cause us to be enthralled with Him. Enthralled with a curiosity to know why he thinks we are beautiful. We are beautiful because He has created us this way, each and every one of us. He is in love with us, and He delights in us. We are highly valued, and a price has been paid for each and every one of us. Will we accept His compliment and draw near to Him, or explain it away and live a much more lonely life not knowing the satisfaction of His affectionate gaze. I want Him to look on me with affection and I want to soak it up, just as I have chosen to soak up my husband’s undivided attention. I hope you want this too.

The Best Man Ever

2009-05-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

My husband is my best friend.
My husband is my best friend.
Yes he stubs his toe a lot,
Yes he snores to wake me up,
And, yes he drinks milk out of the carton.
But, my husband is my best friend.

My husband is my best friend.
My husband is my best friend.
Yes, he teaches my boys to catch bugs,
Yes, he teaches my boys to collect animal bones,
But, he is the best dad ever!

My husband is my best friend.
My husband is my best friend.
Yes, he talks about me till I'm embarassed,
Yes, he thinks too highly of me,
But, what else could I want?
He is the best man ever,
And he's all mine!!!!

I'm wrong, and that's OK

2009-05-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

The other day in the car Joseph was talking away. Our conversation went like this,

Joseph: "Mama do you think it's cold outside?"
Me: "Yes, I do, it's a bit chilly today don't you think?"
Joseph: "No it's hot."
Me: "Oh okay."
Joseph: "Mama do you think there are alligators in that creek?"
Me: "No, it's too cold here for alligators?"
Joseph: "I think they are here."
Me: "Oh, well I've never seen one."
Joseph: "Oh they are here"
Me: "Oh okay."
Joseph: "Do you think our dog Taylor is dead."
Me: "Yes honey, remember Daddy buried him."
Joseph: "Well, I don't think he is, I think he will come home soon"
Me: "OK baby, whatever you say"
Joseph: "Is your hair purple."
Me: "No baby, it's brown."
Joseph: "I don't think so, it's purple."

The last question is a joke, but the point is he just wanted to be right and me to be wrong, or maybe he just wanted to know something I didn't. Or possibly he just wanted to feel like he could teach me a little something. Everything I said was wrong, or debated, or corrected. I could have gotten defensive, and at times like this I have thought to myself, "Why is he asking if he doesn't care what I am saying or really wants to take my answer into consideration." Then, I remember he's three, it's not about me, it's about him and what he's going through. Jacob, his older brother corrects him all the time. Maybe he just wants someone to tell how it is, and as long as he's not being disrespectful I'm fine with that. I've learned to laugh at and sometimes even enjoy the conversations where Joseph basically convinces himself that he knows more about animals, outer space and planets, weather, etc. He just wants to feel important.

However, if he starts thinking he knows better "rules" than Mommy, watch out cause I'm the boss. The boss statement doesn't always work, as one time Jacob pointed out to Clayton and I one time, "Mommy is the boss of us, but Daddy is Mommy's boss?" Using a little marital wisdom, Clayton responded to this question, "No Jacob Mommy is the boss of me too because if Mama isn't happy, ain't nobody happy!" To which I added sasily, "That's right." Then, Jacob added, "But Jesus is the Boss of Daddy, and God is the Boss of Jesus. Right?" For a little mind, he almost hit the nail on the head. I take so much pleasure in these awesome kids- what a gift!!! Thank you Lord.

Open Window

2009-05-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

(I took the above picture on our trip to Israel. It is a baptismal. They used to baptize believers in a pool the shape of a cross to symbolize the death and resurrection of a person with Christ.)

I am studying Beth Moore's 90 Days with Jesus. I read the one about Matthew 3:16-17 where the Father opens heaven and speaks favor over Jesus at His baptism. She says, "So the audible voice of His Father sounding forth at His baptism must have just fallen on Jesus with dearest of familiarity. This was the love of His life. I want to think that through the night, He replayed that voice and blessing in His own mind a thousand times. 'He loves Me. Life is hard here, but He's proud of Me. I have the blessing. I have the blessing."

Wow God opened the heaven's to approve of His Son. Sure it wasn't hard for God to do this, but it was important to Jesus. He knows what we need, and will provide that for us. The fact that God opened the heavens just to offer support and encouragement gives me hope and perspective that He's not too far away to see me, to watch me and hear me every day. Sometimes I just look at the sky and hope in my heart that He is proud of me as well. My heart is full with emotion and tears wanting to be in His presence fully and fully KNOW his love and approval. This life provides so many opportunities for discouragement and disapproval, that my longing heart can't wait to have Him hold me in His arms when I see Him face to face and feel Him FINALLY.

"We look up at that sky at night and the expanse of the stars. He is literally just an open window away from us, sitting on His throne. His presence is in us and on us. God upon His throne is near. We just can't quite see it yet." (Beth Moore)

Thank you Lord for your encouragement. I need you more than I know.

7 things about TX

2009-05-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

1. I'll never forget Texas. Where I found out there is a reality show about pet grooming on TV. I was flipping through an episode when people were literally explaining why they had trouble trimming the dogs, and the judges were questioning why certain contestants got the two dogs that were "getting married"?????? The judges were upset that the ones getting married didn't get better groomers. And yes, the contestants actually looked nervous and frustrated. Wow- I didn't know grooming a pet was such a challenge emotionally.

2. I'll never forget Texas, where Clayton (age 36) did donuts in the gravel parking lot outside our hotel.

3. I'll never forget Texas where I was sitting at Sam's restaurant and I literally felt out of place entering because I wasn't wearing a cowboy hat.

4. I'll never forget Texas where Clayton and I ran at 3-4 in the afternoon for 3.5 miles in 94 degree weather with 100% humidity both entering our hotel so completely soaked with sweat that we literally made sweat spots on the carpet where we stretched.

5. I'll never forget Texas where I noticed that my clothes, just laying in my suitcase in the hotel room had developed enough humidity to actually be slightly damp.

6. I'll never forget Texas where it was 94% with high humidity, but still too cold to open the pool in mid-May. Sad times when I actually remembered my bathing suit hoping to swim in the Texas heat!

7. I'll never forget Texas where we got to see Ken and Terry Pruitt and be with their church family for the weekend, where God was glorified. I love serving God with good friends. Thank you Lord for Texas.

By the way, yes that is Clayton in the picture.

Life is a Mess

2009-05-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

My cousin, Chandler Branch is a musician. He started very young and is now part of an organization called Soli Deo Gloria. The organization is basically dedicated to preserving the tradition and production of sacred music as I understand it. Anyway, I was reading about him, and read this quote by a musician Chandler is working with:

"For me religious faith is rooted in the mess of real life, and my music has to be true to that experience." (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturecritics/ivanhewett/5202098/James-MacMillan-interview.html

I like this quote. I don't know the man, so it is hard for me to know what he means by religious faith. However, if I take this quote and apply it to my faith in Christ, the principle rings true. When I was a child I thought like a child and reasoned like a child. I thought of church faith and life as seperate entities. I had my church world, and then my world- some might say "the real world."

At twelve, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that as a Christian, "my world" is not completely satisfied without Him, and ever since I have grown and been challenged to seek Him and see Him in everyday life. So if I were to apply James MacMillan's words, "For me real faith is rooted in the mess of real life, and 'my world' and my life has to be true to that experience."

Life is never easy. God has never promised ease. In fact the Bible is full of uneasy situations with no EASY button solutions. Therefore I have to learn to live in this messy world, leaning on His faith to carry me through. Some would say that my faith is just a crutch for a weak-willed, or weak-minded person, and many Christians would be offended at this accusation. However, I embrace it because it is true. I am nothing without Him, and if I claim to be, I am an arrogant liar. God is my permanent crutch and I am indebted to Him- FOREVER. He helps me through my messes, and even graciously cleans them up sometimes. Thank you Father.

"For me religious faith is rooted in the mess of real life, and my music has to be true to that experience." (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturecritics/ivanhewett/5202098/James-MacMillan-interview.html

Personally, I am fine, but thanks for the offer.

2009-05-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

Context, such a tricky thing when referring to the Bible. When I was younger I can remember sometimes sharing verses that I loved and hearing people warn be to be careful and make sure I wasn't taking a verse out of context. First of all, I don't really think I totally understood what they were talking about, and secondly I found this statement overwhelming. I reasoned with myself that if Jesus wanted only the highly educated people to understand the Bible, he would not have provided the Word for the common man. I was so silly and foolish, first to ignore the advice, second to not ask someone to teach me what out-of-context meant, and third to use my own common sense to explain it away.

However, over the years I have met many people who take multiple verses out of context in order to use it for their own purposes. This simply means that one reads a verse, likes it and decides what he or she thinks it means apart from the rest of the chapter, chapters, or book. You may be able to do this with Proverbs and some Psalms, but the rest of the Bible requires context.

So, lately I have noticed a lifestyle trend in Christian culture based on the mandate in Gal 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery". It seems that this verse has become a new kind of campaign slogan for Christians who want to show the world, and other enslaved Christians that we are free in Christ. I have also noticed that the primary perk is the privilege to drink alcohol. We will drink to show others we are free. We are not bound by those legalistic mandates not to drink, I mean Christ drank and even made more at the wedding banquet when they ran out.

True. The Bible does not say that a Christian is not supposed to drink or have wine. True. Jesus made and had wine with meals. True. Is is legalistic to judge someone for drinking.

FALSE, Galatians 5:1 was not written about our personal freedoms or liberties. The Galatians were not struggling with which rules they should or should not uphold as Christians. They were struggling with forgetting that their salvation was based on grace, not works. "Someone" was teaching them that they needed to go back to the ways of the Pharisees, earning salvation. The Galatians are being warned not to put themselves back under the law, for the law can never save, but through Christ alone we find freedom from sin's final judgement. Paul says, "You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated form Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope.... You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?

So, where has the context been distorted? In the content. As explained above, the freedom was in the ability to grasp grace in salvation, and not be deceived into thinking works and sacrifices earn your salvation. Circumcision in this instance cannot be substituted for something like drinking alcohol, it was something done which displayed God's mark upon a man before he was marked with the blood of Christ. Now, only His blood covers our sins. The blood is His symbol of acceptance on our life- man no longer has to be set apart by the act of circumcision.

As if looking at this verse in context isn't enough, try also looking at verse 13, "For in Christ Jesus "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." This verse is rarely quoted by those who justify their liberties with verse one. I think Paul is very wise to add this warning. You were called to be free, but do not use this freedom to indulge in the sinful nature- rather serve one another in love.

My husband and I take verse 13 very seriously. We want to serve other people in love, and believe this is primary. When we met and were discussing our marriage, our beliefs, and lifelong commitments. We committed to be faithful to one another, to be completely honest even when it hurts, to avoid even speaking of divorce, and among a long list of other issues, decided it would be wise for us to commit not to drink. This is not because we believe people who do are sinning, but because we considered the advantages and disadvantages and decided it wasn't worth it.

First of all, as servants of Christ we did not want to hold our freedoms too tightly. So, after ministering to so many who struggle with alchohol, we believed that our abstinance would show them love in a greater capacity than our freedom would minister to our friends who drink. We also did not want to have one more thing in our lives where the accuser could cause us to stumble. You know, they say that if you want to keep from eating too much at a buffet, don't sit facing it. So, in order to help us be self-controlled in a country where it is the norm to overindulge, we just cut off the temptation at the source.

Is this legalism? I don't think so. I believe it's wise to recognize that alcohol in an of it's nature causes an individual to want more, so we are staying away to protect ourselves from possible regrets. Am I saying that a person cannot be self-controlled with alcohol? No, but I confess I've met significantly less people who have handled their alcohol, rather than their alcohol handling them.

I will end with one last thought for you. Clayton and I have often been accused of being legalistic because we think it's wiser for us to abstain. People feel we are not living in the freedom Christ has offered. However, I often wonder why it is not just as legalistic to infer that we are wrong because we don't partake. I would think people would be more respectful of our desire to keep our lives in check in whatever way we deem best. Haven't people gotten sick of hearing about ministers who have messed up their families and had moral dilemmas? Why in the world would anyone criticize us for doing our best to avoid one? I wonder how many freedoms Christ had to give up in order to serve mankind?

It's interesting that as an adult who abstains, I feel the same criticism as when I was in High School and College. Clayton and I have joked with one another wondering if there is any other beverage in the world that is such a source of controversy? I've heard Christians tell me they don't know what they would do without their nightly source of relaxation and their need for a buzz to loosen them us so they feel more like "themselves". If I substituted the word alcohol or wine with soda, milk, or apple juice in some of the conversations I've heard, you'd have a really good Saturday Night Live Skit.

Personally, I am fine without it, but thanks for offering.

I Lost my Sticker

2009-04-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hello friends. Clayton has taken a few days off and tomorrow is his next day back. I think I am having withdrawals. We went to the YMCA to work out together- well really because he's getting his car fixed and we had to share a car. It's always nice to go right before lunch because there's no crowd and I can avoid the uncomfortable hovering for my turn at a weight machine while someone else does their sets.

On the way home, Joseph lost his sticker that he got at child watch. I think it flew out the window, or in an obscure hiding place. Anyway, he was slightly devastated upon returning home. When I got him out of the car, I asked for a kiss and he said "No!" I asked him why, because he is usually my cuddly and loving one. He replied, "Because I lost my sticker." Subconsciously, I thought out loud, "What does that have to do with giving me a kiss?" He didn't answer and I really wasn't asking, just wondering. (By the way, he lost it when I rolled up my window as he had requested. )

When I came inside the house, I thought to myself that I probably do this to God all the time. God comes to me with love and comfort, but I respond rudely because I'm hurt as a result of my sinful nature, or an issue related to our fallen world.

Why did Joseph lash out at me? Because he was upset and I was there. Is he really mad at me? No. However, he treated me like I was the cause of his sorrow. Because I am his mom, he feels comfortable being himself around me, which I am pleased about. I believe God wants me to be honest with him, no matter my mood. I also believe that there is a time to reexamine my attitude before Him, repent for my immaturity, talk to Him about why I am hurting, and let Him heal me. If I don't do this, I will begin to habitually blame God for all my struggles and problems. Then, I will become an irresponsible baby who cannot own up to the consequences of my own sin, and therefore make light of the grace He has lavished on my life.

Many times as God is lavishing me grace, I snap at Him because it hurts to continually find myself falling short. Borrowing from my husband's example, I become nothing more than an animal with his foot in a trap. It hurts so much, you lash out at the person trying to release the trap, instead of enduring the pain and being grateful for the rescue. Help me Lord. Thank you for standing beside me even when I am rude. You are Love when I am not. I Corinthians 13.

Don't Build Me a House

2009-04-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

2 Samuel 7:1-7. I have been studying the OT lately and it is so rich in lessons from God- I love Him. There is so much background to this passage, but basically David is filled with the desire to build God a temple/house in which He can abide. The Lord speaks to David through Nathan and tells him that He has never dwelt in a house. He has been moving from place to place along with His people. God asks a simple question, "Whenever I have moved with all the Israelites, did I ever say, 'Why have you not built me a house of cedar...." He tells David that he does not want him to worry about building a house for him, but about taking care of the people- feeding them, etc. He also tells David that He will have on of his descendants build Him a house.

I'm sure God's reaction sort of shocked David. I believe David truly wanted to honor God by proposing he build him a house/temple where they could worship him. David owned a palace of cedar, so why should he have a better home than the God he was serving?

Why had God not asked for a house? Why had he moved from place to place- moved with the Israelites everywhere? Why did He not make them come to Him? Perhaps He was trying to avoid the misguided mindset that exists today, where many see God as a church building, where we dedicate ourselves for one hour on Sunday morning, creating a disconnect from fellowshipping with him on a daily basis.

Perhaps He knew that the human heart is proned to push God away from life, and so He wanted to moved with them, to be with them. Perhaps He desires close communion and fellowship with man, and maybe in His wisdom He knew that if a structure was built, He would become a place instead of a person to mankind.

Later, He allowed a temple to be build temporarily, but I pray that God would remind us daily that we are His temple today. Why? Because He has always, and still desires to be with us, to inhabit us. God does not sit in a structure built by man hoping we will come to Him, He is in us so that we can fellowship with Him daily. Lord, please help us remember you daily- Thank you for your goodness. Thank you for wanting to be near. Thank you for coming to us so intimately and help us not take you for granted.

2009-04-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

My Song written March 20
My life is not my own.
He is the author and holds the pen.
I feel inadequate and fragile, but He is my strength within.
All praise and glory forever to Him.
Amen.
Selah

In Her Shoes

2009-04-09T05:14:00.000-07:00

If you have read my husband's blog, I suppose this will be old hat to you. But, last week we had a little bit of a tragedy around our neighborhood. Clayton just gotten in town and we were both exhausted, him because of traveling, and me from children trying to wear me down because Daddy wasn't home. We thought we would take a short afternoon siesta. However, just as Clayton was snoring full tilt, we heard a knock at the door. When we got there, it was our neighbor's son, Seth. He looked at us with wide eyes and a red face and said, "Can you help us, we just had a wreck."

Because Seth was so calm, or maybe worn out from running down our half-mile driveway, we didn't assume the wreck was tragic, but in 7 minutes I would find out other wise. Clayton left, and I started to do a few chores. He returned shortly with a cooler and I ran outside because I saw the shock in his eyes. He warned, "It's bad, she cut off her arm." I definitely went into emergency mode and went to grab some ice and anything else I could find to keep the water cold. Then, I left Joseph to take his hour and a half nap while I went to help.

When I got there there was a crowd of neighbors with her children, Seth (9), Jarrin (7), Sadie (5), and Olivia (9 months). Mandy, the mom was already in an ambulance being stabilized. I found out talking to Mandy later that she was asking them to please stay so they could take her arm along because the medics were concerned more about saving her life than her arm. She said thankfully we arrived with the cooler in time for them to take it!!!!

After they left, I started digging through the car for a diaper bag and car seat for the baby. There were no diapers, so I headed to their house. After rummaging through the baby room, I was leaving and thought about turning off some lights that were left on, when I saw the room that she usually does hair in. It was then, it hit me that she had just lost her arm and she made a living doing hair. I wanted to kneel down right there and cry, but remembered I had to get back to the baby. The medics took the children to the hospital to get checked as well.

The next morning her husband, Brad, called our home and said they were able to reattach her arm and were praying for the next 48 hours, the time in which they would be able to tell if the body would receive the arm.

When I went to visit her in the hospital on Saturday night, Mandy and Brad were singing continual praises about the fact that God had spared their children so much pain- none were injured, and that she was still alive. Mandy praised God for waking her up to His presence in her life, and how He is actively involved in her day to day life.

What's going on today? She is still in the hospital. The Lord has done a miracle and her arm is pumping blood and alive. She does not have use of it yet, but Mandy has faith that God has more work to do. She will have another surgery soon, her third, where she will have skin grafted from her thigh to cover her arm. She is a living miracle.

Reality in the Sacred

2009-03-31T15:56:00.000-07:00

Because I have seen so many Christmas "plays/musicals/presentations" in my life, sometimes the words of the Christmas story flow to easily on my mouth, or ears as I read it. I have been reading a book Beth Moore gave to us at her conference for wives of ministers. The book 90 days with Jesus and it begins with the story of Jesus. As I have been studying, the people's thoughts and reactions have become real instead of scripted in my mind. As a result I have pondered and ruminated on the place where Jesus was born.

My thoughts originated with the place in which Mary and Joseph birthed our Lord, a place designated for animals. A few years ago, my husband and I took a trip to Israel. I was privileged to sit inside their version of a "barn", which was an opening or cave-like structure in a hill. It was explained to us that the sheep would be herded into these places for shelter. Any woman who has had a child probably thought to herself, this was an unlikely birthing location. But it is where God chose, so it was perfect somehow!

Next, I thought about the visitors who came to see Mary and Joseph. Not only was the location of their child's birth sort of strange, but they also had some unconventional visitors; a few wise men and a few shepherds, none of which they knew personally. When I was in the hospital, our list of visitors were friends and family, people I knew and felt at least mildly comfortable around. As I thought of Mary in this "barn", I had an amusing notion that Mary Joseph might have wondered if they were going to get out of their shelter when a few shepherds showed up. For all they knew, they were in the sheep's home! How funny, and maybe sort of frustrating to hear sheep coming! Possibly they looked out of the cave with fears of eviction. I would have been thinking, "My husband better put on the charm and get those guys to move on, 'cause I'm not really in the mood to start bouncing on a donkey again!"

Thankfully, Mary finds out an angel of the Lord has sent them, and they share their incredible testimony. How God, in his favor had decided to reveal himself to them, a crew of unlikely shepherds, so that they could witness and worship at this historical event. A bunch of field hands, blue collar workers, coal miners, etc. visited by God so that they could be a part of a special celebration.

The wise men's original intention was to find the king of the Jews and the Lord was faithful to lead them. The shepherds were leading their sheep, but God had somewhere else to take them. The wise men were probably wealthier than Mary and Joseph and gave them gifts they treasured and could not afford. The shepherds show up, plain and poor, but gave her the gift of a great testimony from the Lord of who her baby was and what his life meant to the world. And Mary treasured all of these things in her heart.

Her "baby book" may have read,

Born: In a stable in Bethlehem

Nursery Theme: Farm Animals

Visitors: Shepherds who we did not know at first, but whose memories we cherish. God provided us some good fellowship and the perfect audience to worship and enjoy the newborn king.

Important things to remember: An Angel of the Lord announced your birth to some kind shepherds who visited us. The Maggi gave expensive gifts and thankfully will not return to Herod who wants to kill you. There was much rejoicing at your coming, and my husband Joseph has been faithful to us. He will be a good father.

Oh how He loves you and Me!!!!

Family Fruit

2009-03-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have a couple of incredible stories to share. I am so blessed to see God moving in my kids!!! First I will tell you about Jacob. We were reading our Bible story the other night and Clayton asked Jacob if he knew what it means to be annointed, and Jacob answered frankly, "No". So, Clayton said it basically means that God has touched you, to which Jacob replied, "Then, I'm annointed because God touched me when I was saved and when I was baptised." With a grin on both of our faces, my husband and I replied, "That's right, baby."

Now for Joseph. The other day my mom drove Joseph to school. He told her to turn the wrong way and when she figured it out, she remarked that she thought they were lost. Joseph spoke up in the back of the minivan and said, "I'm not lost Mimi because Jesus saved me!"

Back to Jacob. Clayton was getting Joseph dressed the other day and asked Jacob to do something. Jacob said, "Yes sir" so obediently and pleasant that Clayton thanked him for his attitude. Jacob responded, "I just want to be obedient to my parents and loving to my brother." How crazy awesome is that?

An finally Joseph again. The other day the boys were playing upstairs and ended up yelling at each other. I have been trying to teach them that a quiet answer turns away wrath, so listened to see what they would do. Joseph turned to Jacob and screamed, "Jacob, remember the verse on the wall! A QUIET ANSWER!!!" I'm not sure he totally got my point, but at least it's sinking in- right?

Yes!!!!!! Thank you Lord for speaking to my kids, your kids.

Priorities: Follow Up

2009-03-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

I just attended a conference for minister's wives in Nashville, TN. It was encouraging to be surrounded by so many godly women during the Beth Moore conference as well as the pre-conference. One of the workshops I attended was called Balancing Act and was taught by Rachael Livingood. She said one thing I will not soon forget, "We have to learn to schedule our priorities instead of prioritizing our schedules."

Many of us know that we should keep our lives in balance with God being our main motivation, keeping family second, and then allowing everything else to be lived out as needed. However, a daily schedule can sometimes get overwhelming, and therefore unbalanced. So, she suggested that as we live day by day, we should focus on our priorities before we make our schedule, rather than taking our list of scheduled items and making sure they fall in line correctly. The basic concept involves knowing what God has us purposed to do in life and making sure that our schedule reflects our calling. Are we making time each day/week which gives God the freedom to use us according to our calling or purpose?

I love this concept because it is so easy to let life's responsibilities take over. She shared that Anne Graham Lotz reserves 30 minutes (I can't remember a day or week) to let God do whatever He wants in that time. This time is completely set apart, and she says He has arranged some amazing moments.

This example of setting aside time, reminds me of the concept of tithing. My husband and I have been paying two mortgages because we built a house and our old one has not yet sold, but we felt a call to remain generous and God would take care of us. I admire my husband's faithfulness and perserverence in leading our family to tithe and give above our means during this tight time. When he was doing our taxes, he remarked that he was amazed at how God had truly provided. We have heard many stories of people who have tithed and seen God's hand in their finances. But, what if we translated this concept to our time? If we schedule our priorities, rather than vise versa, I believe that not only will be amazed at how God uses this sacrifice, but we will also live each day with a truer sense of purpose and meaning. Praise the Lord.

John 6:27 (New International Version) Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

Psalm 22:26 The afflicted will eat and be satisfied; Those who seek Him will praise the LORD
Let your heart live forever!

Jeremiah 31:14 "I will fill the soul of the priests with abundance, And My people will be satisfied with My goodness," declares the LORD.

Take a Look

2009-03-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

Links any minister's wife needs to see, or anyone who cares for them. We saw these comments at Beth Moore's Women in Ministry conference and they are incredibly truthful and enlightening. I got these links from my friend's blog http://granjansjoy.blogspot.com. It's called The Life of a Minister's wife, Parts 1,2, and 3, by Steven Proctor and vimeo.
http://vimeo.com/3732909
http://vimeo.com/3733078
http://vimeo.com/3732909

Priorities

2009-03-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with someone who told me of their problematic marriage which has progressively gotten worse because of an addiction, or should I say an obsession toward work. While work is very important, in fact necessary for survival, sometimes it becomes a way of escape. Hiding behind the what you make immediately necessary and putting off what seems inconsequential.

Work can take over the soul, clouding it's judgement, so that it becomes an idol. You may ask, what kind of person would worship work? The answer is; one who finds a deep satisfaction in accomplishment and becomes personally identified with a job well earned. I know this to be true because I battle the temptations to feel my insecurities with tasks on a daily basis. Engrained in my personality is an innate desire to feed off the pride of a job well done or a beautifully completed project. This is not necessarily a bad personality trait, but with each gift or natural ability with which the Lord blesses us, we have a responsibility to also be self-control. The weakness with people like me is that we either hide emotional weakness with our performance, or we worshipping our own achievements by forgetting He is the one who provides everything that leads us to life and godliness.

The marriage I spoke of earlier has suffered an ironic fate. One of the members is habitually driven to overcome unbelievable adversity in life's circumstances, but has not applied this same drive to the health and preservation of the marriage. Rather than two people living out life's problems in unity, they have become two seperate individuals sharing a home. Why is it that a business, marathon, degree, body image, building a home, etc. is worthy of our energy, but our marriages or friendships are not worth the same amount of effort and tenacity. A marriage hits a few major bumps and the relationship becomes lukewarm. But if a person has a bad day training for a marathon, they become motivated to push harder- this race will not conquer me. Why not in our marriages, our friendships? Our motivation should be, "I will not let my marriage be taken from me. This is a gift worth fighting for, and I will not let go. I will hold on firmly, tightly. I will pray, fast, and dig in until we've worked this thing out. God has given you to me and I will treasure you more than anything else in this world." Lord please help us to open our eyes to what really counts in this world. Don't let the enemy steal from us the beautiful gifts you give. Help us!

Who among the gods is like You O Lord? Who is like you- majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? Stretch our Your right hand and deal with my enemy, O God! Exodus 15:11-12

Young Adventures

2009-03-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

There’s nothing better than a child to inspire a story, and maybe even a laugh. Our family was home today on a Saturday, which was quite awesome since many times Clayton is traveling on the weekend. I suggested to Clayton that we do something fun together and I was thinking a hike or something. He said, “Why don’t we take to boys on a hike around our land, it will be fun and cheap. Yep, that’s the way you think when you’re paying two mortgage payments. So, we all dressed up in camo, as suggested by Jacob so that we might get to see some animals. Jacob is so detailed that he even worried about the animals spotting the logo on the side of his zip-up camo sweatshirt. We tromped through the woods, as quiet as myself and my 3, 6, and 35 year old boys could be (ha!). I have never seen my boys so quiet and attentive. We sat and ate snacks in a sunny part of the woods. We spotted deer rubs, poop and tracks. We even saw some turkeys fly away after hiding in the trees from our dogs. We had a great time and then returned home for some cozy afternoon naps.

When we woke, we ate some dinner, and then headed to our local Greenway for a program called the “Enchanted Forest.” Gardner-Webb and the Greeneway partnered in putting on a program where the children got to walk through along a trail in the dark with lanterns and met big furry animals along the way which talked to them and answered their questions. It was really great. At first I was afraid that Joseph would freak out, but he loved most of the animals except he did not want to get near the turtle or the mosquito. Perhaps the more furry ones like the skunk, opossum, brown rat (which was actually grey colored go figure), and bobcat were more appealing.

Jacob asked some truly intelligent and informative questions and I was so proud of his boldness and intellect. Joseph provided the laugh out loud entertainment when I asked the mosquito if he was scared of bats. Steve the mosquito said, “Yes, because they eat me.”, and Joseph responded, “That’s ok, they eat me too.” (I think our experience a couple of weeks ago seeing bats in Lineville Caverns made a real impression.) Anyway, then after the mosquito explained that he could fly for hours without a rest, Joseph asked if he could fly right now! We all laughed, as the mosquito chickened out with this response, “I’m just a little tired right now, maybe later,” It was so cute!

Smothered By Love

2009-03-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago, I found myself on the edge of the bed, about to fall off. You might ask, “How could you not have room to sleep when you and your husband have a king-size bed?” Well, let me explain. We have never slept with our children on a regular basis. Maybe they have gotten in our bed on a random night when they were sick, but usually they slept in their beds all night long. However, for the past month now we have woken up with one or both kids in our bed. How did this happen?

Maybe it started with Joseph crawling in bed with us because he was scared at night. Then, possibly Jacob figured it he was sleeping with us and got jealous, so he started the process as well. These actions resulted with me about to fall out of bed because Joseph had crawled inside my back and was pushing me off. Meanwhile, Jacob occupied the middle of the bed, leaving Clayton a sliver of bed on the other side. And people wonder why our backs hurt; maybe because we are smothered. Smothered with affection and love.

But this isn’t the only place I become encapsulated with my children’s attention. You should see us at the dinner table. We bought a table that can seat 10 people, because when Clayton invites a couple of people over, the value of couple ends up being much larger number than 2. I don’t mind this, but I laughed out loud yesterday morning while eating breakfast with the kids. They eat on opposite sides of the table for obvious reasons and I switch sides each meal so that “sitting by Mama” is fair. Yesterday I sat by Jacob. Joseph was feeling insecure, so he moved as close to me as he could. Following this, Jacob moved his chair flush with mine so that even the sides of our bodies were touching. Joseph responded in turn by moving closer and putting his head on my shoulder. This meant Jacob had to put his head on my shoulder too. I almost got frustrated, but then I smiled because I realized that out of this table’s entire surface space, we only occupied about one tenth. This made me laugh, along with the fact that I was supposed to be “eating”, and I couldn’t have lifted my right or left arm to put food on my fork, much less in my mouth. If a fire alarm had gone off, we would have had a fire hazard because the aisles of escape were blocked! I was smothered. Smothered by affection, and probably competition, but I am choosing to believe it was mostly out of undying love for their mother. Right?

Curious Minds

2009-03-19T19:08:00.000-07:00

I've heard that little boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails. Let me tell you what my boy, Jacob decided Sprite is made of. In the car the other day, Jacob said, "Mama, I think I know how Sprite is made. I think Sprite is made of water, some sugar that is not really sweet, but kinda sweet. Then, they squeeze one of those peppers- you know the colored ones- in it. Then they drain out the pepper to take away the color, but leave some in it and add some more water and sugar." That was his concoction.

He has been so curious lately. He wants to know what the moon is made of and why it takes different shapes on different nights. He cut slashes in his hair (while hiding under the table) because he wanted to know how scissors worked with hair hair. He wants to help me cook, or at least watch- he thinks fried eggs are cool and jiggly when they cook! There are so many things he wonders about, and I think it's great except perhaps when you are tired and trapped in the car with him and his musings. Sometimes I don't have enough concentration in this brain of mine to drive and be attentive to all he is saying. Thank you Lord that you are capable of hearing all your children when they talk to you.

Choices

2009-03-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just had a baby boy. I was driving home the other day and returned her call to me. Her baby, only about a week old had fallen asleep after not eating very much. It had been about two hours and he had not woken up yet to eat. She was getting to the point that she needed to feed him, but she didn’t know whether to wake him up because he had been so frustrated and gassy before sleeping, so she had a dilemma. Does she wake him up and risk him being whiny and gassy again, or let him sleep and pump?

As I listened, I was amazed that her situation was not stressing me out. In this moment I felt a calm, and almost in my heart there was a knowing, and understanding of what she was going through. Why did I feel this way? Because having two children of my own, I have been in the same situation, staring or listening to a crying child wondering and questioning what to do. Wanting to make the right choice. Somehow a once stressful situation didn’t seem so intense, perhaps because I knew it would work out, or maybe because it wasn’t my kid. As a moms, we are so concerned with doing what’s BEST for the child, not to mention what also will make our job a little easier. Unfortunately, we cannot always know “the BEST thing”, and so sometimes you just have to make an educated guess.

Choices. They are not easy, and for many of us, somewhat intimidating. I detest making a mistake or bad decision especially when it affects other people, like say, my child or husband. So, while it seems that a feeding schedule is such a minute issue, it rules the life of a newborn and his or her immediate family. A mother who has endure the constant cries of an uncomfortable newborn is not a happy camper. And yes, many “normal women” have thoughts of putting their child in their bed and leaving the house just for one moment of quite sanity. So, why is it so hard? I think we are all scared of being out of control, or causing ourselves or anyone around us discomfort, or messing up their lives. We worry about the past, we worry about the future, and can’t just try to figure out the present because it affects so much more right?

The hardest perspective to hold onto in moments of anxiety or high stress is that God takes care of the lilies of the field. He feeds the birds of the air, so He will also take care of you, oh you of little faith. So rest in knowing He will take care of you, but also rest in faith because He may take care of you in a way that you would not take care of yourself. He is concerned more for your soul than your physical well being, so if you’re not ready to let go of your control, perhaps you should continue to try to control your own life until you get frustrated enough to rest in Him. You will one day, I have tired of controlling my life, and I still try sometimes, and then God reminds me to live in the present, not the future and the past. Help me Lord, daily trust you more than myself.

Reaching

2009-03-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life doesn’t always deal out as we hope. I’ve had conversations with people who have had pretty smooth lives with speed bumps on their path, but nothing to make them swerve off the road. Other conversations have left me wondering if they would ever take an unhindered breath, free from life’s tragedies. It is hard not to question the fairness dealt in life, and it is discouraging to stay faithful when you feel like God has not given you the same hand as someone else. However, I’ve also noticed challenging life circumstances can also create stunningly beautiful people. They look at life and decide somehow they will not be discouraged, but allow God to speak to them through life’s despair. They will not turn away, maybe ask lots of questions, but they hold onto their faith with all their heart, mind and strength.

My cousin was going to marry a young man who suddenly found out he needed intensive chemotherapy. They had no promises of the future, but they decided to marry and pray for a miracle. He underwent a terrible time of sickness, but is healthy now. Recently, after a couple years of failed invetro, they conceived twins and are so happy. I am sure their children’s late night cries are sort of pleasant after so many nights wondering if they would conceive.

I have a friend whose dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor just when she had met the man of her dreams. They moved to be with her family during his chemo, and he died two years later. Shortly after she lost both grandmothers, and they were afraid her mother might have cancer as well. Thankfully, her tumor turned out not to be cancerous, but soon after this, she learned her position at the school where she taught would be eliminated, and then a tornado hit town. Thankfully, the storm missed their home, but the devastation in the town was saddening. She is now fulfilling a dream of attending med-school and her husband’s business is stabilizing. She has remained patient and faithful in her faith, but I know during this time she has wondered if God has anything encouraging in her future.

So why is there not always an happy ending? Is it just that we don’t see it, or is this just the result of life and sin? I have no definitive explanation, but the other day I was comforted by a quote by Fredrick Buechner in John Ortberg’s book, “Love Beyond Reason”. “When the worst happens, or almost happens, a kind of peace comes. I had passed beyond grief, beyond terror, all but beyond hope, and it was there, in the wilderness, that for the first time in my life I caught sight of something of what it must be like to love God truly. it was only a glimpse, but it was like stumbling on fresh water in the desert…I loved him because there was nothing else left. I loved him because he seemed to have made himself helpless in his might as I was in my helplessness. I loved him not so much in spite of there being nothing else left. I loved him not so much in spite of there being nothing in it for me but almost because there was nothing in it for me. For the first time in my life, there in that wilderness, I caught what it must be like to love God truly, for his own sake, to love him no matter what.”

Why? Why do we have to be driven to nakedness, free from everything we cling to before we grasp God. We bind ourselves to things we believe will comfort us, save us. We are not totally convinced of our need of Him until they are stripped away, and finally we realize that only He can rescue us. So the trials and pain produce in us a desperation for Him which teaches us to love Him more deeply. This process cannot be taught through contentment and luxury, we have to be distraught. Although I do not feel righteous when I have hurt the most, I have felt deeply loved. I felt Him watching over me tenderly and His soothing reassurance that He would not abandon me. Although I am weak, I know He understands, and intercedes for me. In these moments I need help, I need understanding and I have to have His love.

I cannot make my burdens go away, so it is up to me to find Him instead of brooding under a pile of suffocating sand filled with turmoil and grief. Even if it means digging for days, I have to reach for Him above the surface. When I am desperate, I have to hold onto His hand with every ounce of determination that’s left in me because it seems easier to hide. But actually it’s easier to reach for Him because He’s right beside me. Always.

A Quote for Mothers

2009-03-19T18:47:00.001-07:00

This cute picture of my oldest son, Jacob reminded me of a quote I found that someone gave me, and I have no idea who it is by, but I thought it would be encouraging to all you mothers out there. ”Motherhood. Well, it’s just about the hardest thing a woman could ever do. Makes you doubt yourself a thousand times a day. Puts all your little character flaws in the spotlight. Tries your patience. Makes your heart burst with sadness, happiness, and pride, all in the same day, in roller-coaster-like fashion.”

Where Jesus and I Meet

2009-03-19T18:46:00.001-07:00

A quote I hope to live by is this: ”I wonder at His great humility and my smallness- nothingness. - I believe - this is where Jesus and I meet. - He is everything to me-and I- His own little one- so helpless- so empty- so small. - Mother Teresa/Come be my Light.

Losing Control

2009-03-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

The other day I was late again. Not by much, mind you, but late. It seems like it is the plight of a mother to continually allow more and more time to get ready, but the unexpected increases until it seems ridiculous how many things you have already accounted for to try to get life organized, straight, and perfect. Put everything in the car at night, shoes by the door, lunches made, etc., but things still happen. It’s nice that life (unless we have quintuplets), seems to give us one child at a time so we can truly become more gracious with ourselves hopefully when we can’t handle it all.

Late and driving to meet someone for lunch, I pondered my plight. Wishing and wanting to control. You see, I had given myself an hour to get ready, but just at the moment I left my son to get ready, he decides he needs me. He brought a toy dump truck into our bedroom and wanted me to see how fast he could make it go. I watched and encouraged him that it was the fastest dump truck ever, but once was certainly not enough. He needed repeated affirmation, which meant that I was having a lot of difficulty drying my hair and doing my makeup. I put a headband on and gave up having dry hair, did my makeup in between the affirmation breaks, shot my shoes on and bolted out the door. Still late, with wet hair.

In that moment what was I really thinking? ”I wish you would leave me alone. I can’t do everything you to race dump trucks for mommy. He doesn’t understand a schedule, being late and making someone wait. I have tried to give him attention and get ready at the same time, but it gets really frustrating to hear and talk over a hair dryer, so instead of getting frustrated, I gave up having dry hair.

In the car, I realized the main problem is that I wish I could have a little more control over life. My kids mood swings and desires, people not hurting me, our country’s scary state of affairs, hunger in the world, evil in the world, people’s bad situations, etc. There are so many things I cannot control and I have been fighting all of my life in desperation thinking that one day I could have it all together. In my life, I see glimpses of Jacob’s wrestling match with God.

Jacob, wrestled with God to get a blessing. He “struggled all of his life to prevail” (NIV Study Bible Commentary). When crossing the river to Canaan he was left alone when “God came to him in such a form that Jacob could wrestle with him successfully, yet he showed Jacob that he could disable him at will.” (NIV Study Bible Commentary). The Bible says that, “When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.” In the end Jacob’s name was changed to Israel and he received the blessing he so desired. But he left the match with an injured hip, and the name Israel to remember that he had struggled with God.

Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Marriage says, “We may also-as Jacob did-receive a ‘life long limp’, but any interaction with God will prove beneficial, provided the movement is always toward him.” This is true, it is always better to struggle with God about the things that you don’t understand, until He gives you an answer or maybe a trust that He is in control. I am a hundred times more encouraged by someone who is continually trying to understand God, than someone who has just given up and is falling away from God daily. Struggling to stay near to God produces more character than lazily flowing down a river of apathetic belief.

However, sometimes I wonder if I struggle needlessly? Would it be biblical to suggest that we need a bigger dose of trust in the benevolent God we serve? Would God have blessed Jacob without the wrestling match? Did He want to wrestle, or maybe sit by a fire in fellowship to teach Jacob? I can not hypothesize God’s intentions with Jacob, but God had watched Jacob wrestle all of his life. He probably knew that his natural reaction would be to “take” the blessing, to hold onto it with all his might. Could God have defeated him? You bet. God said, “‘Let me go for it is daybreak.’ But Jacob replied, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.’” Jacob was strong and determined. He received God’s blessing, but did he understand God’s grace? Maybe God’s injury to his hip was a daily reminder that he could not do everything alone.

We cannot control or even overcome everything on our own. If we try, I believe either God or life will give us reminders of our shortcomings. I am a pretty determined person. I would rather figure out how to do something on my own than have someone else do it and not be totally pleased with the job. At least if I do it and mess up, I can blame myself. This is better than being frustrated with someone else’s incompetence right? Well, my lower back would not agree with me. I have installed many square feet of tile and tongue and groove flooring, replaced a staircase, put vinyl siding on a house, and lifted many things either for projects or because I was too stubborn to have people help me move. Pride, yes. Is the Lord breaking me continually? Yes. Am I thankful? You bet.

What I’ve learned most from my wrestling with either life, or God, is that if I would just let go of my control, the lesson doesn’t take as much of a toil. This means listening and surrendering which seems to be a contrary way in our independent American society of handling problems. It’s hard to let go, but Proverbs 22:21 says, “A wise man attacks the city of the mighty and pulls down the stronghold in which they trust.” Are we trusting ourselves, our abilities, our determination, our intellect, etc.? Because if we are, we need to tear these things down so that our trust rests in Him. If we do, I believe we will wrestle less and have a happy heart. Proverbs 15:13, “A happy heart make the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the bones.”

Enlightenment

2009-03-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

“I didn’t know what was wrong with me, Till your love helped me name it.” Aretha Franklin

I Delight

2009-03-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I’ve had the time/space to unleash my creativity in a big capacity. I have done some things on the side, such as web design, brochures, scrap-booking, etc, but my real love is painting. We moved this past year into a new home where I reserved the loft area above our bedroom to be my space to paint. It is not huge, but it works. It is made up of a utility sink, a table to set everything on, canvases stacked against the walls and an easel. The two best assets are the dormer window that provides light and beauty, and the lock on the door where you enter. In our old home, I tried to paint in our living room, but whenever I did it turned into a family painting session. This basically involved me managing paint, water, and paper for the kids. While I also like for them to have this outlet, this kinda negated my opportunity to express all the pent up ideas whirling through my head. So, the lock keeps my kids from spreading expensive paint all over the house, ruining a work in progress and gives me some privacy. Although if they really need me all they have to do is yell from the bedroom. Clayton has been so supportive of this endeavor because he sees my love and fulfillment in it. I have such an understanding and supportive husband.

Let me explain my inner inspiration. When I drive through the country, I dream about painting. When I walk through a city, or quaint town, I dream about the pictures I could take that would turn into paintings. When see an art gallery, something lifts me our of reality and draws me in to enjoy others’ creativity. I dream, dream, and dream some more. I used to feel frustrated and trapped and hoped that God wasn’t necessarily providing a place of habitation for me in heaven, but a studio in which I could go crazy. It would certainly be cheaper and less messy, right. But, I believe my desires are something God ingrained in my soul because when I paint, I feel free to worship. This may sound too hippie or artsy to some of you, but there is something that instigates fellowship with God for you. Maybe you are inspired through music, fishing, writing, exercise, hiking, serving others, or some other avenue. If you do not know, I think it is worth some investigation. When I paint, I love to listen to worship songs or sermons and this becomes a complete worship experience for me. God speaks to me in my loft. I fellowship with Him and in His Word while participating in something He has created me to delight in.

I am thankful God saw fit to place this insatiable desire in my heart because I believe it helps me to know Him better. Psalm 116:7, “Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.”

Hairdryer Burnout

2009-03-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

I was drying my hair the other day and it seemed to take forever. Then, I smelled fire. I thought maybe my hair was burning, so I looked inside to find only one coil was burning. I turned it off, then on, and tried again. I found out just what you are thinking, my dryer was shot. It had just enough juice to finish the task, but after that I buried it in the trash. It was a good dryer, lasting me about eight years. As I reminisced my dryer’s lifespan, I realized that I had sub-consciously been wondering why it was taking me longer and longer to get my hair dry. The excuse I formulated was that my hair was getting longer. However, in reality, the parts inside the dryer were dying one by one. Drying time kept getting longer, but I didn’t discover the problem until I smelled fire. I was ignorant until the warning signs were pretty severe because I had become used to an incompetent dryer. This story is similar to the familiar tale of putting a frog in water. If you gradually turn up the temperature in increments, he doesn’t realize he is boiling to death. He doesn’t suspect danger before his death because he becomes used to each temperature change, and then he dies. He is deceived because he is led gradually to death, if the heat had been sudden, he would have leaped out.

This concept is not just applicable with hairdryer-operators and frogs, it is also the case with the human condition. Sadly, the more and more we become accustomed to our culture, the less and less we can evaluate truth accurately. We become comfortable first with mild deception, and may not become shocked with the our compromises until our thoughts and actions actually display obvious ungodly behavior. You see, it’s easy to look at everyone around you and feel like you are doing OK, or maybe even better with your walk with God than the average Joe or Jane. But, this is not the standard to which we are called, right?

Hebrews 4:12-13 says, “For the word of God is living and active sharper than an double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart, Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.” So, maybe instead of gaging the condition of our hearts, souls, and lives with the measurement of the men around us, we should look to the one who can truly see our soul, spirit, joints, marrow, thoughts and attitudes. Is this scary? Possibly if we are unwilling to be humbled, but I also believe there is true liberation in knowing that the God of the Universe already knows the condition of our hearts. He always seems to comfort me with His grace and compassion when I come to him with a broken heart, willing to change. He is slow to anger and abounding in love.

When I finally purchased my new hairdryer and used it for the first time, it was so powerful that my hair was dry in minutes. I was so excited. When I had my old one, the dryer at the YMCA seemed magic, but with my new one, the Y’s dryer seems oh-so-normal. The question is do we want to be refreshingly new, or normal. It’s our own choice. Matt 16:24-26, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”

About

2009-02-15T22:46:00.000-08:00

Beginings:
I was born in Atlanta, GA. I am basically a city girl gone country. I liked the culture of Atlanta, but the busyness became monotonous to me. When I attended Appalachian University in Boone, NC, I became spoiled on the beauty of nature. The attractions of the city began to wane compared to the delight of nature. It's not that I don't like the comforts of a big city, I just fell in love with a more simple life.

Faith:
I am dedicated to living a life dedicated to Jesus Christ, who began to win my heart at as a young child, and stole it from me at age eleven. Jesus is my hero forever and I can't wait to see Him face to face, when I will experience fully His complete love and acceptance.

Family:
I am married to a wonderful husband who am grateful for daily. He is truly the love of my life. He sought me out and wooed me. I will run this race with him on this earth for as long as God allows. I am thankful for my son Jacob, who is a born leader. He has a tender heart for God and I appreciate his desire to find the truth in every circumstance. My other son, Joseph, makes me laugh constantly. I think he was born to lighten up any stressful situation, although this personality does make it hard to keep a straight face when disciplining.

My Time:
I am have begun to paint again after years and am in the middle of finishing about four different paintings. I just can't seem to find that finishing point yet. I have written a book and sold 1,000 copies. I only have two left in my possession. I plan to keep them as keepsakes and have decided that instead of republishing, God wants me to add on. I am in this process right now. I also travel on occasion and teach at different events, most often alongside my husband. I really enjoy studying and sharing God's word with people.

That's me I guess. Thanks for listening.

Contact

2009-01-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

Here is my information. If you would like to contact me, I would love to hear from you!

Charie King
P.O. Box 1448
Boiling Springs, NC 28017
chariemagoo@gmail.com